Tiers for Transformation: personal, interpersonal, intrapersonal, transpersonal

Conflict resolution is hard work. There are specific and valuable benefits we will acquire from the effort. Here are my promises to you regarding what will come to you as you become more and more masterful.

· You will have fewer and less intense conflicts in your personal life, and you will be less upset when conflicts arise.

· You will greatly enhance the quality of your relationships and you will get much greater satisfaction from them.

· You will come to know yourself better and will have greater integrity in all of your actions.

· You will know your true place in the created order and will experience greater and greater harmony with the energy and the intelligence of the Creator.

Each of these sets of promises arises in a different dimension of our lives. To keep them differentiated we will refer to them as the personal, the interpersonal, the intrapersonal, and the transpersonal realms.

Personal

The personal realm is that area of our lives which is most focused on our physical experience of being. It is the realm of our physical bodies and the sensations and desires which arise from having our consciousness centered in the material world. In order to resolve conflicts in the personal realm we must know what is happening to us and to know how to act to create safety and satisfaction. When we are able to resolve conflict we feel as though the conflict has gone away.

Interpersonal

The interpersonal realm is that area of our lives which is focused on our relationships with others. It is the realm of our roles with others and the rights and responsibilities which accrue to us and are demanded of us by the relationships we create and have forced upon us. In order to resolve conflicts in the interpersonal realm we must know what others' expectations are of us and respond to those expectations in a manner which is consistent with our own integrity and ability. When we resolve conflict we feel the relationship grow clearer and stronger.

Intrapersonal

The intrapersonal realm is that area of our lives which is focused on our relationship to ourselves and our interior awareness. It is the domain of our feelings and fantasies, our intuition and imagination. In order to resolve conflicts in the intrapersonal realm we must know the many aspects of ourselves, particularly those which appear to be in conflict with each other, and clarify who we might be and how we might act such that all aspects of who we are find expression and satisfaction. When we resolve conflict we find we are more centered and whole and powerful and safe.

Transpersonal

The transpersonal realm is that area of our lives which is focused on our place in creation and our relationship to the whole created order and the source of that creation. It is the domain of our apprehension of the divine and our knowledge of the purpose we each have in the larger scope of the cosmos. In order to resolve conflicts in the transpersonal realm we must know the suffering of the world and respond with compassion and care. We must see the divine longing for justice as our own longing and know how we are in harmony and unity with the energy and intelligence which creates the world.

These levels or realms[1] are all present for us all the time whether we focus on them or not. What we mean by conflict and what we might experience as resolution will be different depending on which domain we are attending to at the moment.

In the personal realm conflict appears as our experience not being what we want and resolution is the assurance that we can construct what we need. But in the interpersonal realm conflict is whenever others are not as we would have them be or we are not as they want us to be. Resolution is not about getting them to do what we want or doing what they want us to do, resolution is becoming able to see how the other is viewing what is going on and see the other's perspective as valid for them. Similarly we want to know that they see our perspective as one which is valid for us.

[1] In some places I will refer to these as "tiers" as they do tend to have a sequence to them and build upon each other.