Fighting without Fighting

There are many strategies we can invoke to address and hopefully resolve conflicts. Among these strategies are a whole range of techniques and tactics which have in common that they are designed to make the other lose. We can try to make the other lose by ignoring the other, or belittling the other or even physically assaulting the other. To the degree that these strategies work, they do so by making the other lose.

Most typically when we are in a relationship with someone who is approaching us in a manner that is designed to make us lose, we respond by trying to make them lose. We enter into a full fledged fight. When we do this we generally succeed in making each other lose.

Since we don't want to lose--and we don't want to turn our beloved into a loser--we try to avoid getting into fights. But if that means we don't address the conflict at all, we most likely will not resolve it. Our goal then is to be able to easily and confidently address the conflicts which arise in all of our relationships in a manner which creates safety and intimacy. That is, we want to fight without fighting.